TBOS Round 1 Part 4

Then the story jumped ahead, this time to the four of us standing outside of what seemed to be a quiet building of marble beneath an evening sky. Well, that was several hours well-spent, since it was just mid-afternoon to me a few seconds ago. While the narrator was busy flapping his omniscient gums off about how Tom was growing as a person or zombie-person, I took this time to study my new surroundings.

Looking expensively to be about two stories high, the clinic was guarded only by walls and fences and a few gorgeous gardens highlighted in colorful deck lights – one of the few things the city seemed to be scarcely lacking in where bland gray and brown and cobblestone seemed to be the norm. All the other previous were quite open and public; to be honest, it felt like we were trespassing on some rich snob's mansion.

Of course, my brief observations were interrupted by a humongous, rib-cracking bear hug.

"Bobu! Jou're okay an' unmolested!"

"Ow! Ricco, too tight!"

"Joo mean not tight enough! Sian an' I went drough an exciteen chase sequence wit rooftop jumpeen, fruit cart destruction an' eben gran' theft auto! Oh, an' what's up with de surgical mask an' what's dat horrible smell?" Ricco said in pretty much one breath.

Sian started coughing and covering her nose as she happened to be standing next to Tom. "Oh dear fey, what happened to you, Tom?"

"Long story. Here, I brought you two something to stave off the gas." I took off my hat, pulling out another surgical mask for Sian and for Ricco, a plastic bag. "Sorry, this was the biggest thing that could fit your stubby face," I said to Ricco.

"Hey, it's de dought dat counts!" Ricco donned his 'mask' in tandem with Sian, as they both breathed sighs of relief.

"So what happened to you two while Tom and I were doing doctor stuff, action-packed chase aside?" I asked.

Sian scratched her head. "Not much, but I'm still perplexed on why we were being chased in the first place. And why did we separate?"

I looked into my hat, as there was something else inside that I apparently put in. Reaching in, I pulled out one of the crudely printed wanted posters. "This is why. Word spread pretty fast about us - and apparently masquerading as a ghost a crime bordering on treason - and according to Tom, all the remaining clinics were blocked off with policemen, or guards in our world. Except for this place." I turned to Tom. "Hey, you sure this is a clinic?"

Tom made a nervous chuckle beneath his bedsheet ghost costume. "Actually, no. Dr. Ronuff retired a few years ago, and Dr. Chyse followed, since they were both married. I think this is where they live now."

"Ah." I crossed my arms, waiting for something while the others approached the front door.

Soon enough, everyone else noticed I hadn't budged and just blinked at me. "Bobu, is someteen wrong again?" Ricco asked.

"Let me ask you this: Sian, Ricco, don't you find it strange that we weren't already inside this place by now?"

Sian caught on and grabbed the hilt of her sword. "The story brought us to this point, giving us time to prepare ourselves for perhaps a villain far stronger than the ones we've encountered. Is that what you're saying?"

"You read my mind. That's why I'm kind of reluctant going in right away. All the other times the story jumped ahead, we always ended up at the next doctor or two, well, half of us were anyway."

"How do we prepare then?" Tom asked.

"Any more you can tell us about the two doctors?" Sian said.

"Sorry, I don't know them very well. Only thing that comes to mind is probably that they ordered up a lot of bookcases full of books one day, so the place felt a lot smaller on the inside than it was from the outside, but it's probably just my im-"

"Secret passages," I cut him off. "Definitely secret passages."

Sian nodded. "I agree with Bo. We should discreetly check every room; no need to attract their attention too much."

"Ooh, I can distract dem wit neighborly gossip an' knitting techniques!" Ricco offered, raising his hand with a wide grin.

I turned to our zombie friend. "Tom, you can...uh...actually, it might be better if you stay outside for now. We can't have you losing control again when we barely know anything about this immortality myth. No offense."

He lowered his ghostly head. "None taken..."

"Um, you can go hide in those bushes and we'll call you whenever we need you, okay?"

Tom nodded and went off to sulk away in said bushes. Ricco looked apologetic. "Joo chure he'll be okay by himself?"

I could only shrug. "Maybe, he...just needs some alone time to think about things. I mean, he's the protagonist of this story – he's practically required to be alone for a while before the climax."

In a sudden turn of events, Ricco shot back with a stern look. "Well, my estorytelleen senses are tingleen an' dey're telleen me to make him feel better by estickeen wit him. Besides, I hate gossipeen anyway." Then with a graceful leap, he went into the greenery after Tom.

So now, it was just me and Sian, who seemed a bit worried when I walked up to the door to ring the bell. "Bo, shouldn't we just bring them along on the safe side?"

"No, this actually makes things easier. Now we can fight without having to worry about them if things got bad inside. Also, we now have a back-up plan."

Sian blinked. "You seem to have a lot of trust in our fictional companions."

"Not really. I'm just keeping my options open. Hey, you sure you didn't start bonding with that dumb fish-head? Did he try to hit on you again?"

"We were running for our lives; we scarcely had time to spare for chitchatting or flirting. And to be honest, he acts far too much like some people I know. A smattering of Gwyd's optimism, but mostly Owen's...frisky manners."

"Oh. Remind you too much of home and friends then?"

She sighed. "I suppose. Disregarding the fact that he's not real, I figured you two were in a relationship already and-"

I raised a glove. "Wait, what? I am not his girlfriend. Or did you somehow not notice the ten times I punched him in the face?"

"Maybe you're a mite overzealous and violent when it comes to showing affection. Don't worry, I won't tell a soul," Sian said, waving her hands out of reassurance.

"Look, it's not like that, and I stand by that statement, no matter how cliché it is. Whatever feelings he had for me, I'm not reciprocating them just because he's the physically closest male figure for a long time. No more talk about our nonexistent romance, got it?"

"Fine, I believe you." Sian turned back to the front door. "Let's hope that we won't need that back-up."

Since Tom wasn't around, we put away our masks and knocked on the door. An elderly lady in a dress answered, looking at us with her wrinkly face.

I nudged Sian by the elbow, letting her do her ranger thing for once – I figured she might do better with old people. She glared back at me a bit before asking, "Pardon me, but is this the residence of Doctor, um, Ronuff?"

"Oh, are you friends of his?" said the grandma. "I'm sorry to say, but he passed away half a year ago in an accident."

Well, so much for him. "Um, what about Dr. Chyse?" I asked.

Old Lady lowered her head with a frown. "She passed away as well in the same accident. She was such a good friend too."

Okay, this was just ridiculous now. I thought to myself that there was no way the story would make us confront potentially deadly doctors that were dead already. "Oh, um, our condolences, do you know where they were buried?" I asked.

Ms. Wrinkles blinked. "Buried? I believe they were cremated and had their ashes thrown to the wind."

Crap, so much for Plan B: zombifying them to life, er, unlife. Whatever. "I see...can we still come inside?" I said.

"Well, you two must have come a long way to visit our former friends, and you're just in time for dinner too," She bared her yellowed, crooked teeth at us in an innocent grin. "Oh, dear me, how did I forget to introduce myself? I'm Lydia Porsche."

Sian bowed and I clumsily went along, almost tipping my hat over. "Thanks for your hospitality, Miss Porsche. I'm Sian and this is Bo."

"Ah, what nice names you have, and please come in." Lydia stepped aside, staring at me in particular. "And feel free to take off your costume, Bo."

I waved my gloves at her. "Um, that's okay. I'm doing this for, uh, homework."

"Oh, I see. Wish I was young again. Please take a seat in the living room while I make dinner. Oh, and my husband is sleeping upstairs, so I'd appreciate if you could be quiet as well."

After she showed us the way to the living room – it had the usual pleasantries like books, sofas, an HDTV and radio systems – she went off presumably for the kitchen.

"Bo, what is this homework?" Sian asked all of a sudden.

"Huh? It's, well, what do you do for learning?"

"Apprenticeship?"

"Yeah, it's something like that, like a chore really. Anyways, we should be checking every bookcase for that secret passage, if they have one. And don't touch anything you don't recognize," I stated, pointing at her.

"Don't worry, I know better than to dabble in your magical objects."

Then we split up. She took the ground floor, and I took the second floor. Sadly, despite half an hour of discreet searching, we didn't uncover anything and for some reason, that Lydia lady still wasn't finished cooking.

"Well, the only place I haven't searched here is Mrs. Lydia's kitchen," Sian reported.

"I haven't checked the bedroom with the old guy sleeping. If you find something funny with Lydia, let me know, and I'll do the same."

We both nodded and went our separate ways again. Walking up to the door conspiciously labeled 'Phinos' Love Room' where this lumber-mill snoring originated, I carefully opened it and took care not to make the door hinges squeak too loud. I hated it whenever that happened.

Jackpot. Even the room was bare save for the king-sized bed and the prerequisite lamp tables, all the walls were covered with ceiling-high bookshelves. The old couple must either really love reading or they're hiding something. Still, checking each book individually would take forever, so I simply skimmed for anything on the book spines that would seem out of place.

A few minutes later, I found it. "The Doctorology of Doctorism." I scanned the nearby books and realized this was the only book related to anything medical – the rest seemed to be either photo albums or cookbooks. Grabbing the literary anomaly, I tried to pull it out but it wouldn't budge.

"Bingo, this must be the lever or something." Putting down the books sitting beside this unyielding one, I used both gloves and planted both feet against the lower row of books. I tugged at it some more, but for some reason, it still wouldn't budge, almost as if it was glued there. Out of frustration, I put all my weight to pulling the book out, until I realized I was making the bookcase leaning forward as a few books dropped from above.

"Eep!" I stepped off the bookcase and pushed it back for a good few seconds before it cooperated and went back to leaning on the wall. "Whew...maybe pulling wasn't such a hot idea...and I really should stop saying 'hot idea'." Then another thought occurred. Grabbing the book in question, this time I went for the opposite direction.

The book effortlessly slid back into some hidden compartment in the wall, and part of the floor beside me opened up sideways, revealing a set of stairs.

"...I still think this is too good to be true."

Regardless of my gut feelings, I went down to the kitchen, only to bump into Lydia on the way.

"Ah, there you are, dear. Dinner's finally ready," she said, doing her utterly 'sparkling' smile.

"Oh, it is? Uh, hold on, I need to go use the little girl's room." I rushed past her without letting her answer, hitting the kitchen and grabbing Sian from one of the bookcases she was still searching through. Then when Lydia stepped inside, she said the bathroom was upstairs, which I quickly thanked her and dragged Sian to the secret entrance I found.

"You want to go first?" I whispered.

She nodded and went down ahead. We tiptoed most of the way, seeing as the stairs creaked with every step we took and we didn't want to wake up Old Man Phinos (I assumed that was his name).

What we found at the end of the stairs was a bit of a surprise.

"...More books? Seriously?" I said, groaning.

The room underground looked just like the old man's bedroom, with the bed in the middle of it all. It's just that everything was less well-lit, with the secret room making do with dungeon torches. Well, I couldn't fault the fairy tale for sticking to its roots.

Sian went ahead and picked a book at random, shuffling through the pages. "It's blank. There's nothing written here."

I went to the opposite side of the room and checked out one book there. "...it's empty over here too. Are all these books blank?"

"Perhaps we should check all of them to be sure."

"No, they're probably decoys." I opened another empty book and tossed it aside, turning around. "Check the bed, Sian. There must be something there."

So we did. But after looking under the mattress and digging through the pillows, there was nothing to be found.

"Dang it, well, I'm stuck." I sat on the bed, feeling a bit exhausted. "Maybe we're missing something really obvious."

Sian looked around some more. "I find it odd that this room looked exactly like the one above, but I can't fathom why anyone would bother recreating this room when it seems like nobody's been here for a long while."

"Yeah, that is weird. Even the bed's all dusty, like nobody's bothered sleeping here. All that's missing is an old person sleeping away and this room would be a perfect match," I said in a joking way.

"Bo, what did you say?" she asked, turning to my direction with a serious face.

"Um, that we need an old man sleeping here...?"

Sian picked up one of the pillows off the floor and for some reason, she lied down on the bed on the other side. With her head upon the comfy pillow, she was facing upwards with wide open eyes. "There!"

She pointed up and I looked skyward, discovering this wide, gaping hole in the ceiling. "How did we miss something that obvious?" I stepped back from the bed and looked up again, only to see that the hole disappeared. Or rather, it could only be seen from directly below. I'd have to give the architects credit for this optical illusion.

Not only that, but it seemed like there was a book hanging at the top end of this hole. Probably the book we were looking for, but how do we get it? Even if we used the bookcases to get up as high as the ceiling, the hole itself was too wide to hug the sides with. And I doubt fire or water bubbles would get the book down without ruining it.

"I believe we're to use these blank books as stepping stones," Sian suggested as if she read my mind, already bringing a huge pile of them over to the bed.

"Ah, great idea, Sian. I would have been stuck if it was just me."

So in a matter of minutes, we built a tower of books, using the bed as a foundation; when the tower got decently tall, I stood at the top where Sian would toss me the books and then I would keep building from there. But even after all that effort, I was still a few feet away.

"More books, Sian!"

"I just gave you the last one! Hold on, I'll climb up there!"

The books beneath my feet began to shift precariously. "Wait, stop! Get off! It's shaking!"

Sian stepped off right away before the shaking was subdued.

"Cupcakes. Well, what do I have to work with?" I said to myself. All I had on me were my hat, my cloak and my staff. "Ow! What the?" I looked over to my right glove and found one of Ricco's sewing needles jutting out of it, thread and all. It must have gotten stuck when Ricco threw them at the first doctor to distract him. Then I had a good idea.

I took off my cloak and twisted it diagonally, tying one end to my staff. Then, using the needle and thread, I sewed the brim of the hat to the other end of the rope-like cloak. Now I had a makeshift fishing rod of sort – the hat had a hollow enough opening to serve a hook. But after making more mental calculations, I was only a foot short.

I had no choice. "Sian, I'm going to jump, so this tower is probably going to fall down, so step back!"

Crouching down, I launched myself as high as I could, swinging my hat-cloak-staff for that hanging book and latching on it. I briefly looked down as the tower of books collapsed below me.

"Okay, maybe I should have planned this more thoroughly." Either way, I had to make my way up, climbing the staff, cloak and finally hat as I purchased my grip on the book. "Come on, stupid book!" I started yanking the book down with my weight, and after a few tries, there was a loud, audible twing – like a thread snapping. And the next thing I knew, I was falling, screaming with book in hand and expecting to hit the unforgiving mess of books below.

But then, I stopped falling and sprung up and down, having fallen into the nice, comfy bed.

"Bo, are you fine?" Sian asked, who seemed to be covered in some sweat.

"...Yeah. Thanks for pushing the books out of the way..." I sat up and opened the book we worked so hard for. "Hmm..."

It was an old journal, marked with entries written apparently a long while back by Dr. Ronuff. Then I ended up skimming through it, as it was just information that other doctors already told us. Then I came upon the last entry and read it aloud.

" 'Entry 916: Sorry, Journal, but this will be the last time I'll be writing; Dr. Seikkan got angry at me when he found about your existence. I've written too much about what I've known of the immortality myth so far, but I'm too sentimental just to rip the pages out or even burn this journal. When my immortality runs out, this will be the only thing that will remain of me. My words, which may eventually fade away when someone else might come across this. So I called for a secret room and devise a way so that those who hold knowledge, ingenuity and courage to their highest degree will obtain my personal recordings. If you have successfully obtained this book and have read this far, then I ask for your forgiveness because by then, we won't have undone a huge mistake that you have somehow survived.' Hrm, that's the end of the entry."

"Bo, is he talking about the immortality myth?" Sian asked.

I closed the book, sighing. "I don't know. But it's got to be, I mean these doctors seemed to be going a lot of trouble just to keep this myth discovery they have as a secret. And why would it be a huge mistake that anyone would somehow survive? I feel like they're discovering how to make an uranium bomb or something."

"Now you know too much, young ladies." An old, creaky voice came from the stairs and Sian and I both turned around – it was the old guy drooling on his pillow.

"Ah, smelly old guy!" I blurted out of surprise.

"I'm not smelly! And I have a name, it's Phinos Porsche – you'd best remember that," he said, stomping his walker against the carpet.

Sian stepped forward, quickly unsheathing her sword. "It would help to remember your names a mite better...if those were your real names, Dr. Ronuff."

"Wait, what?" I said. Seriously, this is news to me.

The old man looked equally surprised. "That's rather out of blue. Dr. Ronuff died months ago."

"That's a lie and you know it. In fact, it was you two who locked up Tom in the cellar of your former home. And through some method of magic, you conjured new appearances for yourself. I know this to be true, because we've searched through your house by the lake and I found papers bearing the same style of handwriting like the one in this journal; we also found these 'photographs' that bear a good deal of your resemblance, despite your efforts. If Tom were here, he can easily confirm my suspicions." Sian tightened her grip on her sword.

The old man's eyes narrowed, apparently giving up his charade to Sian's unexpected deductions. "Well, we underestimated you then and it was foolish of us to assume that no immortal would step outside of Endless City and appreciate the mortal world outside. And that's the greater grief in us all as everyone has lost respect to their former mortality and will soon pay the price; our genetic essence of immortality has run dry, like a well that's been taken for granted. And because we immortals practically neutered ourselves to avoid overpopulating the world, once we lose our immortality, we lose our lives and our future, and there will be no one left to appreciate the clean water, the vibrant trees and the solemn mountains."

I stood up as well, tossing the journal aside and readying my magical staff. "So that's the huge mistake you were talking about? I thought you were going to kill off a whole bunch of immortals for your own selfish ends."

Dr. Ronuff chuckled. "Who do you take us for, mad scientists? We're doctors and all of us simply wish to overcome this impossible medical hurdle. And what better way to renew immortality than to go back to the source..."

"...the immortality myth," I finished for him. "But wait, what does it have to do with dead zombies? Is that seriously part of your plan?"

"It is integral. Zombies are no more than aberration, a mutation, a failure of life! They are to be purged if immortals are to have a chance of living their eternal lives without prejudice and fear."

"Now you're just racist, I mean, zombie-ists, whatever. And what about ghosts? Aren't they the same as zombies, being undead?"

"It's common sense that ghosts are benevolent beings incapable of evil. They were the alternative to being immortal, and we highly value them because they represent how powerful our immortality is. If we die by unnatural means, then the presence of ghosts mean we can still keep living on. But now, ghosts are fading away, and they're so rare that people now believe them to be magical genies of sort that could grant any wish. Besides, anybody who didn't come back as ghosts but as zombies instead don't deserve their immortality in the first place. Those wretched, walking undead fetuses wearing human skin are just scum!"

I clenched my gloves tight. I don't know why I did. Just at that moment, I forgot that I was dealing with fictional characters in a fairy tale, and yet the whole thing still felt more real than anything in Box Bug ever did. I was just that driven to care for a sympathetic representative of a fictional race of characters that I was quick to defend for. "You don't know that for sure! Did you even give them a chance to explain themselves or did you just gun them right away just to make it easy for yourselves to pretend that you're taking a higher moral ground?" I lashed back.

The doctor frowned. "Hmph, you're just a simple-mind zombie sympathizer. Can you easily ignore the consequences of a society ruled by cannibalism and violence, a world filled with people whose memories are no better than newborn babies?"

"It doesn't have to be this way," Sian added. "Tom has been a remarkable fellow through and through, and we reckon that other zombies can follow his example. Everyone can live better lives with his help."

He let out a deep sigh. "Yes, I have to admit that Tom may be the exception, but that is all the more reason why we had him locked up, to spare him from seeing the world dying around him. A wasted life of naïve optimism that will poison our last hopes of regaining our immortality back.  Thankfully, we've already uncovered the truth behind the immortality myth and our scientific fears will be put to rest once 'he' puts our plan into motion by midnight. And since I've just told you all this, I can't allow you two to leave this place alive and put a dent to our plan."

I was sorely tempted to start laughing at that line, untying my hat and cloak from my staff and putting them back on. "Pfft, really? I think Sian and I can take an old, wrinkly guy with a walker."

Then all of a sudden, the doctor pushed a button on his walker, and it broke up into several pipes and those pipes expanded and speedily transformed into a metallic, skintight suit that covered him from head to toe. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd say he looked like one of those spandex-wearing superheroes known for goofy martial art choreography and hammy overacting.

Then a huge blade jutted out from one of his wrist gauntlets.

I gulped. "...we are so screwed, aren't we?"

"Enguarde!" The doctor lunged straight at me, ready to slash away when Sian stepped in between us and blocked his charge with her sword.

"Bo! Run! I'll hold him off!"

"Got it!" I wasted no time arguing back and made a run for the stairs, planning to warn Ricco and Tom. Or I would have, hadn't the stairs turned into a slippery ramp and made me trip forward and slide back down to the room.

"I control every part of this house and if you kill me, then this place will self-destruct, taking your lives as well," the doctor declared, doing a job of clashing swords with Sian, who seemed to be mostly on the defensive as she was just parrying the doctor's blow and dodging half of his blows.

"Then I'll simply have to disarm you!" Sian claimed, grabbing a nearby book and tossing it at the doctor.

But he expertly cut up the thrown book into confetti and pushed the pieces back into Sian's face, briefly disorienting her. "You can't trick me that easy!" Thankfully, Sian managed to block his piercing charge, but he was clearly stronger as he managed to push her back into one of the bookcases. "I trained with swords for centuries; how long have you whet your blades, you pup? Ow!"

I wasn't just standing around, you know. I managed to give Sian some breathing room as throwing as many books as I could at the doctor's head. "Hey, I got a black belt in throwing books at your ugly robot face helmet!"

Unfortunately, all I did was just annoy him, as he grabbed an empty bookcase with his non-sword hand and tossed it at me like it was just a rock for him. I jumped out of the way as the bookcase broke itself against the wall, barely avoiding splinters, while Sian recovered and jumped back into the fray, intertwining her sword with his. Lots of clinks and clanks were had in their swordfight.

Rising up, I kind of cursed under my breath. My magic was utterly useless here: fire would just make things worse, and water bubbles are no better than diversions at this point. If only Ricco were here to tell me more useful spells...

Back to the fight, Sian was doing well, leading the doctor into corners of the room where it'd be harder for him to swing his sword-arm. The problem was that during those times, his sword was obscenely sharp, it just cut up the nearby bookcases into firewood and even through the walls, leaving gashes that apparently had circuitry inside the walls.

Another brilliant idea struck me. "Sian, kick him back to that corner again!" I yelled, grabbing a pillow, tearing it up a bit and throwing its fluffy remains at the doctor, as to distract him in a feathery fog. Then in his distracted phase, Sian managed to kick him in the abdomen, sending him flying back into the corner that he escaped a while ago.

"Now stand back!" I ran towards the gashes on the wall closest to the doctor and pointed my staff at the exposed wiring. "Soap Bubble Spring Showers!" A deluge of bubbles burst out my staff and into the wires, producing wild, crooked arcs of light that coiled about the metallic-skinned doctor due to his close proximity. Fortunately, thousands of volts of electricity was just enough to shock the doctor into unconsciousness, as he collapsed to the floor slightly roasted, while his futuristic armor broke apart and reverted back to its walker shape beside him.

Sian and I let out deep breaths. "Is he still alive?" she asked, stepping closer to get a better view, before I pulled her back.

"Careful, you might get shocked too. And well, if he wasn't bluffing, then I guess he's still breathing and being alive since this place hasn't blown up."

It was rather convenient that after that intense battle, the stairs that had turned into an oily ramp went back to being stairs again. We were about to go up when we heard a series of loud thunks from above.

"Ow! Oof! Yeouch!"

It turned out to be Tom who ended up tripping down the stairs like the clumsy lummox he was, losing his bedsheet costume in the process.

"Owie...Bo, Sian, are you okay?"

I shrugged. "We're fine, you doofus, no thanks to you. Hey, you didn't come across the old lady up there, did you?"

Tom rose up, looking a bit beaten up with black bruises everywhere while Sian and I covered up our face with the masks again; the stench coming out of him was even worse than before, like rotten garlic and eggs were mixed together in his deodorant. "If you mean Dr. Chyse who got facial surgery, well, I lost control somehow when I came inside and ended up biting her after a wild struggle; she gave me some pretty bad bruises back there. And I almost didn't recognize her from when she and Dr. Ronuff locked me up all those months ago, but I guess I got more of my memories back after biting her."

Sian put her sword on her back after she seemed satisfied that Dr. Ronuff wasn't a threat anymore. "Do you know where we can find the last doctor in this Endless City?" she asked.

"Wait, last doctor? Isn't Dr. Ronuff the last one? And where is he anyway?" tom looked around, noticing the unconscious doctor on the floor.

"Hey, don't go biting him yet!" I quickly grabbed Tom's shoulders and pulled him further away from the doctor. "And did you forget that there were supposed to be seven doctors?"

Tom shuddered a bit, his eyes briefly glowing red as he seemed to struggle keeping in control. "What? Well, you see, I only remember seeing six of them..."

"Does the name Dr. Seikkan ring any bells?" I asked.

"N-No, not really, but if maybe I bite him-"

"Tom, get a hold of yourself!" I throttled him. "He still hasn't told us what the immortality myth was all about."

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned towards Sian, who said, "Bo, I don't think he'd be willing to tell us more of anything if he was willing to 'self-destruct' this place and kill us."

"...that's a good point." I sighed and let go of Tom. "Fine, you can bite him-"

"FOOD!" Tom let out a crazed shriek as he lunged for Dr. Ronuff's body and gnawed feverishly at his neck like a rabid hyena.

Sian and I then walked up the stairs, leaving Tom alone and getting away from his increasingly pervasive stench. And just as I was wondering where Ricco was, the whale shark oaf just bumbled through the front door, looking rather out of breath as he bent over his knees.

"And where have you been?" I asked, planting my gloves at my hips.

"Huff...huff...um, hey, I know where dat last doctor is!" he said, grinning. "He's by de lake billa outside Endless City."

"Huh? You mean the point where we started this ridiculous modern fairy tale? How quaint, coming around in full circle." I crossed my arms, feeling a bit pleased that Ricco did something substantially good for once. "I'd ask how you learned that, but I don't feel like pushing my luck. So how much further do we have to walk from here?"

"I...habe no clue."

"That's great. Everyone, let's split up and look for a city map," I declared.

Then Lydia, or should I say Dr. Chyse, walked up to the three, looking a little discolored due to becoming a zombie and all. "No need. I have one right here," she said, offering us a well-detailed map. "The red dot is where we are right now, my house here. For some reason, I still remember that and how we have an old van in the garage that's reaching it's 30th birthday this year, but nothing else comes to mind."

"Ah, thank you, Lydia or Dr. Chyse," Sian said as we took the map.

"Lydia's my name? That has a nice ring to it," said the old lady, baring her yucky teeth again.

I shuddered and tried to focus on the map, looking at the legend to determine how far off we are from the city entrance. "Hmm, just ten miles away? That's a bit far, but we still have some time to spare. What's the time-oh crap!"

I just looked up to the nearby grandfather clock and saw the time to be 11:45. Fifteen flipping minutes isn't enough time to cover ten miles. And to make matters worse, sirens could be heard outside the door and past the fences and walls.

"Oh, did I forget to mention how de police habe blockaded dis area too?" Ricco added with a nervous grin, which I was happy to wipe it off for him with a knuckle sandwich. "Ow!"

"That's just going to slow us down even more!" I yelled. Then I turned to Lydia (or whoever she is, I stopped caring at this point) and said, "This is kind of a real emergency, so we kind of need to borrow your vehicle or van, whichever comes first."

"Did I mention it was 30 years old?" she said.

"Like I said, real emergency. Sian, show Ricco to the garage. Ricco, explain to Sian what a garage is. I'll go fetch Tom."

I dashed back to the secret room, just in time for Tom to regain his senses and stop molesting the poor, unconscious doctor so I could drag him away by the smelly and partially decomposing arm. "Come on, zombie boy. We're ditching this joint."

"Huh? Wait, my bedsheet-!"

"Where we're going, we don't need no stinking bedsheets! I mean seriously, that thing smells worse than you!"

In a few minutes, we all regrouped inside the doctors' garage and headed inside this rusty, popcorn-smelling van. Ricco was already in the driver's seat with the ignition key, so I called shotgun and the two of us put on our seat belts, while Tom and Sian rode in the back. As we opened up the garage door, Lydia came up to us with a pan of tomato casserole.

"Wait, what about your dinner?"

I rolled down the car window and pulled my head out. "Ma'am, when this mess is over, I promise we'll return your old jalopy and eat your delicious cooking. Keep them warm for us until then, okay?"

"Oh, okay, young dear. Drive safe and good luck with your homework too."

"Uh, right. Ricco, let's hit the road!"

He revved up the engine and stomped on the accelerator. "Right on, babee!"

Despite being an old hunk of junk, the van roared to life and pounced out of the garage with the ferocity of a tiger.

"Yee haw!" Ricco yelled in a lame attempt at sounding like a cowboy as we bust through the gates and into some wooden barricades the police had set up before, breaking free into a wide street. "Dis ees gonna be a bumpy ride!"

I could barely stay in my seat, let alone stay still and read the map as I was the navigator."Ricco, I'd so punch you for reckless driving, but we're really running out of time, so take a right here and step on it some more!"

"Got it, boss!"

"And while you're at it, would you stop spouting vague pop-culture references? We're not in Box Bug anymore."

"Sorry."

In any case, our van sped and spun through the confusing streets and avenue, dodging police cars all the while. Then came up a really narrow, tight curve.

"Hey, slow down!" I yelled. "We're going too fast to turn without-!"

"Don't worry, I saw dis trick on TV!" Ricco turned the steering wheel as far to the right as he could, somewhat pulling this crazy 360-degree maneuver as the van spun so tight, it tilted way too far on the left, almost ready to flip over. Fortunately, I knew what suicidal trick he was talking about, climbing halfway out the window ahead of time; by the time the van would start to flip over, my weight would act as a counterbalance so the van could keep rolling on its left wheels. That way, we didn't have to sacrifice speed as we zoomed through the narrow turn, leaving the slower police cars in our dust.

After we made through the turn, the van abruptly made itself upright as the right side fell. It was so abrupt that I lost my grip on the window, yelping as I was falling towards the speeding pavement. Then I felt Ricco grab my ankle and pull me back inside with an unusual scowl on his usually carefree mug.

"Be careful, Bobu! Joo could have gotten hurt doeen dat stunt!" he scolded me. Never have I been so tempted to flatten his dumb-looking fish face, my gloves barely shaking as I kept telling myself that punching him while he still had the wheel was a worse idea than any half-baked car stunt he did. "Is eberyone else okay?" he asked.

I looked back and stifled my chuckle as Tom seemed to be pinning Sian down due to that commotion. In fact, they were in that same position you see in romantic films where the guy bumps into the girl, and they both fall down in a way that he plants his hands beside her head on the floor with straight arms and he stares down longingly at her before he gets off or the girl pushes him off. Yeah, it was that kind of scene. Good thing Sian still had her mask on or she would have suffocated from that position alone.

In any case, Sian opted for the pushing away method, which I wouldn't blame her. Tom looked a bit smitten at that time before he went back to his senses and apologized profusely at Sian for the awkward moment.

"Bobu, I can't chake dese guys!" Ricco yelled. Red and blue lights glared from the sideview mirror as I pulled my head and staff out to the window.

"Do I have to do everything around here? Baking Snake Fiesta! Baking Snake Fiesta!" Needless to say, my magic missiles burned and exploded the police's car tires, leaving them skidding to a stop. Sadly, no explosions were to be found, but I guess this wasn't a action movie we were in.

After a full minute of intense car chasing, the scenery was all quiet and we stopped seeing any more of those police blockades. I sighed in relief, leaning back and glancing at the map. "Good, we seem to be in the clear. So while we keep cruising straight ahead before we hit the city entrance, I just need to know how you knew where the last doctor was, Ricco."

He made another sheepish grin. "Actually, Isabella told me."

"What?!"

Ricco scratched his head. "Yeah, um, actually, while joo guys were dealeen with de doctors, I was trayeen to make Tom all happy when he was flippeen out about seeing Isabella again. I didn't notice anyteen, so I told him to estay put an' check out where che went. So I just went aroun' de corner, an' dere che was. Che was quite a pretty girl wit gentle brown skin an everyteen. But che was quite fast on her legs an' it took me a couple of minutes before I managed to catch up wit her."

"Did it really take you that long to catch up with her?" Sian interjected.

"Well, si. Che was all scared because che saw a wanted poster of me, but I told her cat I was frens wit Tom an' che was all cool. But che said che had an appointment wit Dr. Seikkan at de lake house outside Endless City aroun' midnight, an' che said che would be ready to meet Tom by dat time," Ricco said.

"Really? That doesn't sound right. I mean, she works with doctors a lot, but this is the first time I've heard of her having an appointment. She's always been a picture of perfect health and she always eat her greens and keeps her figure..." Tom gushed on and on.

"Oh, shut up, Tom, we get it," I snapped back. "What happened next, Ricco?"

"Well, after che told me dat, I heard police sirens behin' me an' I turned aroun', being flashed by lights eberywhere. Den I turned back aroun' an' dat Isabella literally banished. Of course, I had to run for my life again an' I succeeded in getteen de cops off my tail wit my estealthy bard skills. Den I came back to joo guys to warn joo about de police an' joo drew a jab at my pretty face-"

"All right, we know what happened after that." I poked Tom with the blunt end of my staff, asking, "And what did you do while Ricco stupidly left you alone?"

"I already told you. I was getting worried about you and Sian and when I stepped inside the house and saw Dr. Chyse with her frying pan, my mind just went completely blank...hey, why are we slowing down?"

I blinked and noticed that the van was indeed slowing down. "Yam cups, we're out of gas," I said after one look at the gas gauge. "But hey, we're by the entrance. We can run the rest of the way there, come on."

As the van slowed down to a stop, we got off without a hitch and made a mad dash for the wooden gates, which were conspicuous open this time and thus saved us the effort of having to open the dang things.

We never looked back at Endless City afterward. Well, except maybe Ricco, who stopped and made his melodramatic farewell.

"So lon', EC! Joo were a neat city wit serial killer doctors, but I enjoyed my estay all de same! Au re-!"

"Come on, Casa-Blockhead. We're on a time limit here!"

"Ow, okay! Joo don't have to tug so hard..."